Writing: to Love or to Hate?

(Public Domain) The Bonfire of Hatred and Fear

Once upon a time in third grade, I found writing fun. My teacher made sure we all had the traditional wide-ruled, black& white composition notebooks, and gave us fun and creative prompts. Once a week we would all share what we wrote. I liked the freedom of it. I didn't have to worry about intros, conclusions and passive voice.  My teacher eventually taught us the standard 5 paragraph style to prepare for the essay test, but I didn't feel the pressure then.


By the time I got to high school, my love of writing warped. And by warped I mean my grade-driven panic and tendency to over think nearly strangled it to death and then lit it on fire as an inauguration of hatred and fear.
So whatever survived of it was just enough for me to like the product not the process. One of my English teachers referred to me as: 

"one of the most high strung students in class"

 ....and he was not wrong. Timed Essays rooted utter terror in my soul. Longer essays drove me to insanity and to literally stare at the blank computer screen for hours. Hours.

Me after an essay marathon with my makeshift cape

Luckily, all my essay drama failed to also kill my affection for books. And so I decided to be an English major despite my writing hang ups. College helped me try different tactics to conquer my panic:

• Wearing a cape made from a blanket to make me feel empowered rather than whipped. And to give me access to a blanket for naps.
• Wrapping a scarf around my head to keep my hair out of my face and provide some fun distraction when things start to go poorly.
• Having a manic dance party when I hit writer's block.

It wasn't really till my Writing Literary Criticism class that I realized why my writing process always included panic and stress: I almost always procrastinate my essays. The hatred came as a product of the high amounts of panic and stress; it blinded me to why I picked to write what I did. In that class, I saw that the process of writing can actually be fun and interesting! And that though you still need to conform to the standards that your teacher sets, the process itself can give you freedom and fluidity. 

I want to continue working on my writing process to continue eliminate my panic issues with it, and that's why I've decided to start this blog. What about writing makes you like/hate it?