Essay Writing: From Frolicking to Mental Breakdowns

Frolicking with Creative Non-Fiction! Pic Credit

Hello! I haven't really used this blog this semester, because up until this point, I've been happily frolicking through fields of Creative Non-Fiction. Creative Non-Fiction has its own difficulties, but I am much more engaged and happy even when I'm struggling through writing it. Soon, I will make a post about revising and editing, because that is where I'm having issues. But now, my frolicking days are over. Now is the wonderful time in the semester when research essays are no longer an abstract threat, but a reality that makes me sleep on my couch instead of a bed and have mental breakdowns in between rows of books in the library. Last semester, I felt like I made a lot of improvements with my essay writing issues, but this time, I feel like I'm back where I began. So here's the breakdown on what's making me despise writing:

The Drawing Board and Back: A Procrastinator's Tale

Remember when I wanted to write about male narration? Here is what it was like trying to research it:

 

There truly is very little to say about narration. Like there's nothing. How did I think I could research and write so much about it?! A couple weeks ago, I met with my professor, and we commiserated over the awfulness of writing essays over a topic you aren't interested in. It gave me the push I needed to let go of an already decaying corpse of an idea and restart at the drawing board. I promised myself I would start researching again to look  for something else, but then life and fear stepped in, and I resorted back to my procrastinator ways: avoidance, excuses, distraction. With a week to go, the manic fire of do-die lit and, hallelujah, I found a good question: How are Asian Americans portrayed in YA Lit?

And okay, I know: Why in the world would I, a white, conservative southerner, be writing about minorities?

Swimming Back to the Surface

This picture completely encapsulates how I've felt the past week. I've been drowning in all of these books I have to read but been too exhausted ( from being sick) to swim to the surface and make some progress on

them or anything else. But yesterday, I swam my way to the surface! I had to submit my research proposal for my semester long research paper in my English class. My Professor is all about having questions lead the writing. Which has been interesting because when I write, I like to write with the security of having an answer and the evidence to back it up. But, with a research paper, the point is the discovery--the journey of seeing what happens and going with the flow.

I'm not going to lie. I've been looking toward Monday the 13th with ever growing fear and dread.

Writing: to Love or to Hate?

(Public Domain) The Bonfire of Hatred and Fear

Once upon a time in third grade, I found writing fun. My teacher made sure we all had the traditional wide-ruled, black& white composition notebooks, and gave us fun and creative prompts. Once a week we would all share what we wrote. I liked the freedom of it. I didn't have to worry about intros, conclusions and passive voice.  My teacher eventually taught us the standard 5 paragraph style to prepare for the essay test, but I didn't feel the pressure then.


By the time I got to high school, my love of writing warped. And by warped I mean my grade-driven panic and tendency to over think nearly strangled it to death and then lit it on fire as an inauguration of hatred and fear.